Always Read The Instructions
By Kira Morgana


"You know this is brilliant, this thing."

"I've seen it advertised, but I thought it was a hoax."

"Oh no! It really does work. I tell you what, I'll give you a demonstration. Do you want a beer?"

"Yeah, ok."

"All I do you see is press this button here..."

"The one marked Beer?"

"That's the one. Now we wait."

"How long does it take?"

"Depends on how far away she is. Ah, here she is now."

"Honey, I thought you and Dave would like a nice cold beer."

"Thank you Sweetheart, we were just talking about getting one."

"I have to put out the washing now. I'll be back in a minute."

"Alright Lizzi."

"Are you sure that was her responding to the remote and not doing it by herself?"

"Uh huh. I've tried a lot of the different functions and they all work."

"What about that one?"

"Oh yes, I've used that one every night since I bought it."

"And she's responded - properly?"

"What do you think? But I'm not going to demonstrate that one."

"Spoilsport. What does that one do?"

"That's the mute function. There's a volume control as well."

"I could do with one of those. Say Pete..."

"No you can't borrow it. You have to tune it into her you see and you can't use them with other people."

"Hmm. I'll just have to buy one then."

"Pete baby, can you just pop out to Mother's and take her these cookies and cakes?"

"Lizzi, I've got Dave round, I can't just..."

"Please darling, I need to put the baby down for a nap."

"But..."

"Use that one on her, Pete."

"Ok, honey. Are you sure that you can't do it yourself?"

"Actually now that I come to think about it, the baby would fall asleep better in the car and I haven't seen mother for several hours so a visit would be nice. I'll see you later."

"That was close."

"Yeah, thanks mate. I never thought of the Mind Change button."

"What's that red button?"

"What, the one under the little clear flap with the crossed ring on it? I don't know, let me look it up."

"Why bother with the instructions. You said it would work at any distance, let's just press it."

"No wait Dave...I...I've got the manual down here, let me look it up."

"Oh come on Pete, live a little. Here, let me press it."

"No Dave! I just found out what it does!"

"It's done now mate. Come on it can't be that bad, looks like a cancel button to me."

"Well sort of yes. It says in here... oh my mobile's ringing hang on...Hello?"

"Who is it, Pete?"

"But Honey! Why? Lizzi please don't do this...she hung up. Dave you stupid f***ing idiot! That was the Divorce button!"

"Isn't there a button on here to bring her back?"

"Let me look it up in the manual this time. It says here - Do not press this button unless your marriage is absolutely on the rocks as this control is permanent and wipes out the tuning of the remote."

"Ah..."


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Kira has been writing properly for 15 years and has had several stories published this year. She is a mother of two, Teacher of a couple hundred and fiancee to one. She is a member of several writing websites where she enjoys a small following.