Recipe For A Pop Culture Phenomenon
By Patrick Trotti
Begin with one hundred some odd pounds of exquisitely natural beauty. (This ingredient is absolutely essential; if you don’t possess it you might as well save yourself the time.)
Add two parts, or at the very least one, semi-famous overbearing parent who has failed to realize that they aren’t of any cultural significance anymore. If the parents are divorced all the better (we can play up the familial strife!) but if they are, regrettably, still happily married well we’ll just have to deal with it.
Sprinkle in at least ten years, in most cases up to fifteen, of pure childhood innocence as witnessed by the masses in front of the camera. If you’re feeling really creative, add in a dose pigtails, matching outfits, and rosy cheeks that every stranger wishes to pinch.
Now this part is critical.
Don’t forget to throw in the key ingredient. The parents MUST be either incredibly overbearing to the point where a child’s acting out is almost expected and, in many cases, deemed ok or be so aloof to the child’s maturation as an individual that they fail to notice the tell-tale signs of the individual’s change in behavior.
Once these parts are mixed together thoroughly you should let them simmer at a slow roast until the inevitable “shocking” photos of the teenager drinking and dancing with older men at the hippest downtown club at four in the morning are leaked to the press.
Don’t worry if the pot looks like it may overflow at this point.
Add in equal parts of a combination of either a growing eating disorder in which photos are taken highlighting the girl’s diminutive frame by accenting her all to obvious ribcage jutting out from the side of one of her skimpy designer dresses, the appearance of raccoon like eyes from the steady diet of coke, alcohol, diet pills, and lack of sleep, and the incoherent declarations/ramblings made to members of the press.
Once complete it’s now time to take the recipe to the next stage. Social media websites will ultimately determine how the finished product turns out. Use equal parts MySpace for bits of her soon to be released debut singing album, begin a Facebook account in which she puts up photos of herself in some questionable situations thus giving the media more ammunition as well as fans more access, and top it off with a Twitter account enabling her to shit talk about anyone and everyone who doesn’t give her what she wants when she wants it. The last part is crucial as it serves as a kind of free public relations team.
Once all these ingredients are mixed thoroughly proceed to acquire the best producers and sound engineers that money can buy in the hopes that they can mask the fact that the girl has no real discernable musical talent.
Now you can go ahead and sign a deal with some large company that will use the chorus of one of her songs in their latest summer time commercial marketed towards the 18-24 demographic.
After a few weeks of steady play the single will be released and plans will be made to schedule a worldwide concert along with a book signing tour (of course she’ll hire someone to write it for her.)
Whip the suburban white teenagers into a frenzy thus bringing their parent’s wallets along with them and you’ll have them hooked.
Add in a blockbuster summer movie with no real plot other than a soundtrack featuring only her songs and a handsome leading man who will woo her.
At this point you’re going to add an older boyfriend with a questionable history to the mix. Give her a few weeks and soon a shocking sex tape will be “leaked” to the press.
Once the sex tape talk has simmered add on another public humiliation involving alcohol and/or drugs (both would be better) culminating in a court mandated rehab sentence.
Then set up an exclusive rehab interview with the highest bidder so that she’ll stay in the media’s focus while she’s really just taking a break from her hectic schedule.
Once all of these mixed together the rest is up to you. You can feel free to add some special ingredients to your specific liking such as an affair caught by the media in which she breaks the bad boy’s heart, or a sultry lesbian weekend escapade at some Mexican seaside resort. Add to it the promise of a follow up album, more run-ins with the law, the beginning of a new primetime television reality show, a public dispute with the mother, and an exclusive interview with Oprah and you have yourself the makings of a pop culture phenomenon.
Oh, and it wouldn’t hurt if you made her become pregnant with another famous child brat of the Hollywood circle just to top it off.
Don’t forget that people always love watching train wrecks so when in doubt you can never have enough drama. And try and stay unemotional about the whole process and just remember that you’re giving the public what they want.
- - -
Patrick Trotti is a 24 year old native New Yorker pursuing a degree in Creative Writing. He's the Founder and Editor of the online literary journal (Short) Fiction Collective.
By Patrick Trotti
Begin with one hundred some odd pounds of exquisitely natural beauty. (This ingredient is absolutely essential; if you don’t possess it you might as well save yourself the time.)
Add two parts, or at the very least one, semi-famous overbearing parent who has failed to realize that they aren’t of any cultural significance anymore. If the parents are divorced all the better (we can play up the familial strife!) but if they are, regrettably, still happily married well we’ll just have to deal with it.
Sprinkle in at least ten years, in most cases up to fifteen, of pure childhood innocence as witnessed by the masses in front of the camera. If you’re feeling really creative, add in a dose pigtails, matching outfits, and rosy cheeks that every stranger wishes to pinch.
Now this part is critical.
Don’t forget to throw in the key ingredient. The parents MUST be either incredibly overbearing to the point where a child’s acting out is almost expected and, in many cases, deemed ok or be so aloof to the child’s maturation as an individual that they fail to notice the tell-tale signs of the individual’s change in behavior.
Once these parts are mixed together thoroughly you should let them simmer at a slow roast until the inevitable “shocking” photos of the teenager drinking and dancing with older men at the hippest downtown club at four in the morning are leaked to the press.
Don’t worry if the pot looks like it may overflow at this point.
Add in equal parts of a combination of either a growing eating disorder in which photos are taken highlighting the girl’s diminutive frame by accenting her all to obvious ribcage jutting out from the side of one of her skimpy designer dresses, the appearance of raccoon like eyes from the steady diet of coke, alcohol, diet pills, and lack of sleep, and the incoherent declarations/ramblings made to members of the press.
Once complete it’s now time to take the recipe to the next stage. Social media websites will ultimately determine how the finished product turns out. Use equal parts MySpace for bits of her soon to be released debut singing album, begin a Facebook account in which she puts up photos of herself in some questionable situations thus giving the media more ammunition as well as fans more access, and top it off with a Twitter account enabling her to shit talk about anyone and everyone who doesn’t give her what she wants when she wants it. The last part is crucial as it serves as a kind of free public relations team.
Once all these ingredients are mixed thoroughly proceed to acquire the best producers and sound engineers that money can buy in the hopes that they can mask the fact that the girl has no real discernable musical talent.
Now you can go ahead and sign a deal with some large company that will use the chorus of one of her songs in their latest summer time commercial marketed towards the 18-24 demographic.
After a few weeks of steady play the single will be released and plans will be made to schedule a worldwide concert along with a book signing tour (of course she’ll hire someone to write it for her.)
Whip the suburban white teenagers into a frenzy thus bringing their parent’s wallets along with them and you’ll have them hooked.
Add in a blockbuster summer movie with no real plot other than a soundtrack featuring only her songs and a handsome leading man who will woo her.
At this point you’re going to add an older boyfriend with a questionable history to the mix. Give her a few weeks and soon a shocking sex tape will be “leaked” to the press.
Once the sex tape talk has simmered add on another public humiliation involving alcohol and/or drugs (both would be better) culminating in a court mandated rehab sentence.
Then set up an exclusive rehab interview with the highest bidder so that she’ll stay in the media’s focus while she’s really just taking a break from her hectic schedule.
Once all of these mixed together the rest is up to you. You can feel free to add some special ingredients to your specific liking such as an affair caught by the media in which she breaks the bad boy’s heart, or a sultry lesbian weekend escapade at some Mexican seaside resort. Add to it the promise of a follow up album, more run-ins with the law, the beginning of a new primetime television reality show, a public dispute with the mother, and an exclusive interview with Oprah and you have yourself the makings of a pop culture phenomenon.
Oh, and it wouldn’t hurt if you made her become pregnant with another famous child brat of the Hollywood circle just to top it off.
Don’t forget that people always love watching train wrecks so when in doubt you can never have enough drama. And try and stay unemotional about the whole process and just remember that you’re giving the public what they want.
- - -
Patrick Trotti is a 24 year old native New Yorker pursuing a degree in Creative Writing. He's the Founder and Editor of the online literary journal (Short) Fiction Collective.
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Really enjoyed that!
Humorous. I thought the psychological profiling worked well in adding depth of character to the non-existant subject, who could, of course, be one of many.
Interesting structure that held my attention.
I appreciate the kind words! I recently stumbled upon your writing and was quite fascinated; I actually spent a solid few hours just looking up some of your work. Really inspiring stuff man, keep it up!