Wawa and Wato
By Will Johnson
I played with Barbies when I was a little boy, but I am not gay - I am non-dogmatically pansexual. Even back then I did not draw distinctions based on what was appropriate for a gender or sexual orientation label. I simply gravitated toward whatever interested me.
Not that I had too much of a choice in the matter. I was usually the only boy in a group of four girls: my sister, Courtney, and my cousins Meghan, Kristen and Jennifer. My sister was a year younger than me and my cousins were all older. Meghan, the youngest, was older than me by four years; the middle child, Kristen, by six and the oldest, Jennifer, by eight. My sister and I were a little young for them, but they enjoyed playing with us - especially when it was time to play Barbies.
To be fair, each one of us received two Barbies that we kept permanently. I was given a blonde and a brunette.
I’ve always had a bit of an imagination (now that’s an understatement, much like saying that the universe is just a bit infinite), so I immediately gave both of the dolls names and background stories.
I named the blonde Wawa. She was a mentally-deficient lesbian who liked biting the ass-cheeks of other girls. As soon as I received her I chopped off all her hair and bleached it white. Little did my seven year old self know that this was an actual lesbian look.
I named the brunette Wato. She was Wawa’s sister and like her sister she was a mentally-deficient lesbian.
Wawa and Wato. Odd. Both sound like the names of Thai ladyboys. Did I have a premonition of some of my future sexual predilections?
While the girls dressed all of their dolls in elaborate outfits, Wawa and Wato preferred to go around naked - all the time. Sometimes one of them tried on a pair of high-heels, but that was about it.
They persistently harassed and molested the other Barbies, even going so far as to wreck the Barbie fashion show by ripping the dresses off the other Barbies and biting their buttocks.
But Wawa and Wato’s most notorious moment was when they destroyed my sister’s Barbie Dream House.
For Christmas that year my sister had received a Barbie Dream House - a mansion with a pool and all of the other trimmings. The girls decided to christen the house with a skinny-dipping party. Now this was right up Wawa and Wato’s alley!
But, of course, those two mentally-deficient lesbians took things way too far! Wato pushed Wawa into the pool. Wawa hit her head on the bottom and had a seizure. She flailed around and in the course of her seizure and Wato’s attempts to stop it, the Barbie Dream House was somehow completely destroyed. Plastic parts littered my parents’ basement. My sister and the girls ran upstairs to tell the adults.
I went upstairs and my Dad beat me in front of my sister, the girls, my aunt and my uncle. It was unanimous that I deserved it that time.
But it was not me who was responsible for wrecking the Dream House. It was Wawa and Wato - the mentally-deficient lesbian sisters.
- - -
Will Johnson is a New York-based freelance writer. He has been featured in MetroUS, the New York Press and the Asbury Park Press.
By Will Johnson
I played with Barbies when I was a little boy, but I am not gay - I am non-dogmatically pansexual. Even back then I did not draw distinctions based on what was appropriate for a gender or sexual orientation label. I simply gravitated toward whatever interested me.
Not that I had too much of a choice in the matter. I was usually the only boy in a group of four girls: my sister, Courtney, and my cousins Meghan, Kristen and Jennifer. My sister was a year younger than me and my cousins were all older. Meghan, the youngest, was older than me by four years; the middle child, Kristen, by six and the oldest, Jennifer, by eight. My sister and I were a little young for them, but they enjoyed playing with us - especially when it was time to play Barbies.
To be fair, each one of us received two Barbies that we kept permanently. I was given a blonde and a brunette.
I’ve always had a bit of an imagination (now that’s an understatement, much like saying that the universe is just a bit infinite), so I immediately gave both of the dolls names and background stories.
I named the blonde Wawa. She was a mentally-deficient lesbian who liked biting the ass-cheeks of other girls. As soon as I received her I chopped off all her hair and bleached it white. Little did my seven year old self know that this was an actual lesbian look.
I named the brunette Wato. She was Wawa’s sister and like her sister she was a mentally-deficient lesbian.
Wawa and Wato. Odd. Both sound like the names of Thai ladyboys. Did I have a premonition of some of my future sexual predilections?
While the girls dressed all of their dolls in elaborate outfits, Wawa and Wato preferred to go around naked - all the time. Sometimes one of them tried on a pair of high-heels, but that was about it.
They persistently harassed and molested the other Barbies, even going so far as to wreck the Barbie fashion show by ripping the dresses off the other Barbies and biting their buttocks.
But Wawa and Wato’s most notorious moment was when they destroyed my sister’s Barbie Dream House.
For Christmas that year my sister had received a Barbie Dream House - a mansion with a pool and all of the other trimmings. The girls decided to christen the house with a skinny-dipping party. Now this was right up Wawa and Wato’s alley!
But, of course, those two mentally-deficient lesbians took things way too far! Wato pushed Wawa into the pool. Wawa hit her head on the bottom and had a seizure. She flailed around and in the course of her seizure and Wato’s attempts to stop it, the Barbie Dream House was somehow completely destroyed. Plastic parts littered my parents’ basement. My sister and the girls ran upstairs to tell the adults.
I went upstairs and my Dad beat me in front of my sister, the girls, my aunt and my uncle. It was unanimous that I deserved it that time.
But it was not me who was responsible for wrecking the Dream House. It was Wawa and Wato - the mentally-deficient lesbian sisters.
- - -
Will Johnson is a New York-based freelance writer. He has been featured in MetroUS, the New York Press and the Asbury Park Press.
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