VAMLET: Thursdays With My Father’s Ghost
By Edgar Rider
Some say that we never spend enough time with our families. It is true in my case because the ghost of my father only visits me on Thursday.
I have grown quite fond of my time with my dad and even his inherent cruelty.
He often reminds me that I was a bed wetter until the age of nine.
I routinely comment, “Thank you for the trip down Embarrassment Lane.”
My friend Horatio does not share the same affection for my father’s ghost.
Of course my father always plays jokes on my faithful friend. He urinates from the top of a tree onto Horatios head. I never realized that an apparition can cause his pee to coagulate into a solid form.
“Damn It be the ghost of Vamlet’s father,” Horatio screams. Even-though Horatio has a knack for bad grammar, his sentiment is understood.
Sometimes me and papa’s spirit take a walk into the forest. We gaze out across the empty trees looking at each other thinking the same thing. 'How could this have happened to us.'
We both share a laugh at our own expense. After all we both are dead. I am the lucky one because I was only bitten by a vampire and am still three dimensional and he is stuck at one.
We share a laugh, knowing; I was once on my way to becoming King and now I spend my time floating in the dark and had to change my name to Vamlet due to recently becoming a member of the undead.
Perhaps I may write a book called ‘Thursdays with the Ghost of my father.’ hopefully, it is not already copyrighted.
I am taking notes on what is it like to be a ghost. He tells me it is not always easy. He can’t eat a real apple. Sometimes he pretends by eating a pretend one. He says ,”sometimes its not to bad" referring to his ghost-like state." I can walk through a wall into someones bathroom. You can spy on the pretty ones. If you know what I mean. But then I realize people can see me. I am not invisible."
“That’s gross. No more. Forevermore.” Vamlet says not wanting to hear his father talk about his voyerism
He says, ‘Sometimes it can get lonely. The rules in the spirit world are 'Only one ghost per 500 yards'. He looks into the distant waves to another ghost off in the distance.
Vamlet nods his head, “fascinating.”
The spirit world is asking what it is like to be a vampire. I don’t really tell them. I don’t want them to steal the rights to my biography.
If you are wondering about my mother .My dear departed mother ,Gertrude , reserves her visits for Saturday when her ex-husband is nowhere to be found.
- - -
Edgar Rider would like to present a combo parody of Tuesdays With Morrie and a warped version of Hamlet.
Edgar has gotten away with publishing stories in Danse Macabre, Ken * again , Warwick Unbound and Avatar Review.
Some other stories about Vamlet appear in the Short Humor Site and Static Movement.
By Edgar Rider
Some say that we never spend enough time with our families. It is true in my case because the ghost of my father only visits me on Thursday.
I have grown quite fond of my time with my dad and even his inherent cruelty.
He often reminds me that I was a bed wetter until the age of nine.
I routinely comment, “Thank you for the trip down Embarrassment Lane.”
My friend Horatio does not share the same affection for my father’s ghost.
Of course my father always plays jokes on my faithful friend. He urinates from the top of a tree onto Horatios head. I never realized that an apparition can cause his pee to coagulate into a solid form.
“Damn It be the ghost of Vamlet’s father,” Horatio screams. Even-though Horatio has a knack for bad grammar, his sentiment is understood.
Sometimes me and papa’s spirit take a walk into the forest. We gaze out across the empty trees looking at each other thinking the same thing. 'How could this have happened to us.'
We both share a laugh at our own expense. After all we both are dead. I am the lucky one because I was only bitten by a vampire and am still three dimensional and he is stuck at one.
We share a laugh, knowing; I was once on my way to becoming King and now I spend my time floating in the dark and had to change my name to Vamlet due to recently becoming a member of the undead.
Perhaps I may write a book called ‘Thursdays with the Ghost of my father.’ hopefully, it is not already copyrighted.
I am taking notes on what is it like to be a ghost. He tells me it is not always easy. He can’t eat a real apple. Sometimes he pretends by eating a pretend one. He says ,”sometimes its not to bad" referring to his ghost-like state." I can walk through a wall into someones bathroom. You can spy on the pretty ones. If you know what I mean. But then I realize people can see me. I am not invisible."
“That’s gross. No more. Forevermore.” Vamlet says not wanting to hear his father talk about his voyerism
He says, ‘Sometimes it can get lonely. The rules in the spirit world are 'Only one ghost per 500 yards'. He looks into the distant waves to another ghost off in the distance.
Vamlet nods his head, “fascinating.”
The spirit world is asking what it is like to be a vampire. I don’t really tell them. I don’t want them to steal the rights to my biography.
If you are wondering about my mother .My dear departed mother ,Gertrude , reserves her visits for Saturday when her ex-husband is nowhere to be found.
- - -
Edgar Rider would like to present a combo parody of Tuesdays With Morrie and a warped version of Hamlet.
Edgar has gotten away with publishing stories in Danse Macabre, Ken * again , Warwick Unbound and Avatar Review.
Some other stories about Vamlet appear in the Short Humor Site and Static Movement.
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