Hats for Everyone
By John Sheirer
Lately his mind had been consumed by thoughts of hats.
What marvelous things hats are! he thought.
He wanted to invent a new kind of hat--the perfect hat--one that could be surgically attached to the wearer's head.
First the hair, scalp, and skullcap would be removed. In their place, the hat itself--made of very strong, malleable, waterproof, dust-proof, heat resistant, transparent plastic--would be attached. This hat would fit in such a way that it could never be removed. This hat would fit so snugly that it would take on the shapes, colors, and textures of the wearer's brain.
Every time the wearer would have an original idea, a pleasant memory, or a sexual experience, the hat would wrinkle and move and glow in a strange and very beautiful way so that everyone nearby could watch the wearer's hat and share the joy of the experience.
Everyone would be happy for each other--wives and husbands, children and parents, friends and enemies. Wars would end.
How wonderful these hats would be! he thought, and what a beautiful thought it was, a thought we all could share, if only he knew how to invent his new hat.
- - -
John Sheirer lives in Northampton, MA, and teaches at Asnuntuck Community College in Enfield, CT. His most recent book is the memoir Loop Year: 365 Days on the Trail, winner of the Connecticut Green Circle Award.
By John Sheirer
Lately his mind had been consumed by thoughts of hats.
What marvelous things hats are! he thought.
He wanted to invent a new kind of hat--the perfect hat--one that could be surgically attached to the wearer's head.
First the hair, scalp, and skullcap would be removed. In their place, the hat itself--made of very strong, malleable, waterproof, dust-proof, heat resistant, transparent plastic--would be attached. This hat would fit in such a way that it could never be removed. This hat would fit so snugly that it would take on the shapes, colors, and textures of the wearer's brain.
Every time the wearer would have an original idea, a pleasant memory, or a sexual experience, the hat would wrinkle and move and glow in a strange and very beautiful way so that everyone nearby could watch the wearer's hat and share the joy of the experience.
Everyone would be happy for each other--wives and husbands, children and parents, friends and enemies. Wars would end.
How wonderful these hats would be! he thought, and what a beautiful thought it was, a thought we all could share, if only he knew how to invent his new hat.
- - -
John Sheirer lives in Northampton, MA, and teaches at Asnuntuck Community College in Enfield, CT. His most recent book is the memoir Loop Year: 365 Days on the Trail, winner of the Connecticut Green Circle Award.
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