The Bounty Hunter
By Brandon Whited


“Bounty hunters? We don’t need that scum!”

I imagine the manager of my local Target recounting this memorable line, shouting it to a group of his teenaged minions.

The source of his irritation is little old me. I am one of the bounty hunters to which he refers. And, dare I say, I am one of the more ruthless of my area.

I know the proper time to hunt. I have prowled these toy shelves for years, impressing upon other shoppers the eagerness of a child, the creepiness of a pedophile.

My intentions, however they may appear, are innocent. Many would say they are even sad. I never understood why.

Tuesday is a good day to hunt in Target. I learned this after much failure. Tuesday is New Shipment Day, so states every Tuesday on my calendar, a smiley face emphasizing it.

My first New Shipment Day was coincidental. I was a new hunter then. I was pawing peg upon peg of Target’s generally adequate action figure bounty. I saw the same faces; dull faces. These faces had been hanging there for months. The packages were dented, dusty. The card corners were dog-eared. Unworthy catches, these were.

I craved fresh bounty.

Frustrated, I went to leave. I passed a Toys associate hustling a large box. I stopped in my tracks, noticing the logo on the box’s side.

I hovered as the acne-plagued young man reached again and again into the box. Eighty percent of the box’s contents were pure, fresh bounty.

These fresh faces, which gladdened my heart so, wasted not a second on those pegs. They practically passed from the associate’s hands straight into mine.

“I guess you’re a collector, huh?”

He had noted my enthrallment. It was then he imparted his knowledge:

“We usually get a new shipment in on Tuesday.”

I went home, and educated myself. I signed up for official newsletters; found out official release dates for new potential bounty.

And there I’ll be, every Tuesday following those release dates, in the action figure aisle at Target. I’ll be there before the box-cutter slices the packing tape.

And I will have fresh bounty. Some I will sell. Some I will simply covet, placing it in protective plastic to hang on my wall, like carbonite. A few I will buy duplicates of, so as to experience both pleasures.

Regardless of my intentions with them, I will bring home fresh bounties. That’s what I do. I am a bounty hunter.


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Brandon Whited is a young author from Southwest Virginia. When he isn't busy reinforcing his underground fallout shelter, he enjoys telling himself stories in his mind.