Invitation to a Beheading
By Adam Mac
In the late 21st century, beheading is an extreme hazing ritual of interstellar business. Earth has been transformed into a production facility for an enormous commercial enterprise in a distant galaxy. On Earth, there is no unemployment. Everyone has work, but all Earth jobs are mean, mundane, or miserable.
The ritual has been popularized and exported widely as entertainment. Once a month, in an intergalactic-televised event, a competition is staged to promote one of Earth's more promising epsilons. The winner is appointed to the Earth Council, headquartered on a cloaked space station in high orbit.
The event takes place on the Earth's moon in a virtual room created for the series. There are three contestants. This week, they are: epsilon zeta (EZ), an IT consultant; epsilon delta (ED), an accountant; and epsilon tau (ET), a marine sergeant.
EZ, ED, and ET face one another in an empty room with a chair, a blindfold, and a poleaxe. Each gets one of the three articles.
The instructions are simple. The successful contestant must behead the other two. But the poleaxe can only be used by someone who is wearing the blindfold while standing on the chair. No communication is allowed. Beheading is the only acceptable means of killing. Violation of the rules is severely punished.
As soon as we're back from commercials, ET hoists the poleaxe, EZ stands behind the back of the chair, and ED thoughtlessly attaches the blindfold straightaway. The division of articles is now prearranged. One of the early episodes ended prematurely when all three contestants went for the poleaxe and ended up in a bloody pileup.
At the start signal, ET kicks the chair in ED's direction then hooks ED's blindfold with the poleaxe. Jumping on the chair, ET hauls ED in stumbling, head down, and arms waving uselessly by his side. EZ runs off into the farthest corner of the room. ET raises the poleaxe high overhead to bring down on ED's bare neck, but before he can deliver the blow, an intense electric charge surges through his body sending him into a collapsed heap.
EZ seizes the opportunity and rushes over to remove ED's blindfold and stun him by punching him in the face. With ED and ET on the floor, EZ picks up the poleaxe, steps onto the chair, puts on the blindfold, and then swings the poleaxe in the direction of ET's neck. He connects but not with ET's neck. ET has moved just in time to avoid the fatal blow, but he does get it in the leg, which starts bleeding heavily. EZ, realizing he only has one more swing, pulls the blade out and swings it in a roundhouse, this time catching ED, who has just regained his feet, in the chest with the point of the blade. ED tries to remove the blade but slices both hands in the process and only manages to create a larger wound. ED falls face down in the pool of his own rapidly discharging blood.
Meanwhile, ET crawls over to where EZ is still standing on the chair with his blindfold on, tugging at the poleaxe to free it from under ED's inert body. ET grabs both of EZ's legs and pulls them out from under him. EZ comes down hard, hitting his head on the edge of the chair. Seeing that the fallen EZ still has a pulse, ET rips off the blindfold with his left hand and opens it to conceal the quick strangling motion of his right hand. But camera 14 catches this and immediately a second and much stronger current rocks ET and instantly vaporizes all nerve activity from his brain to his fingers and toes.
All three epsilons lay still on the floor as the cameras pan across room. The cutaway to commercial is slow—deliberately slow. Back from commercials, the room is clean and empty. Next month's feature is announced—a building contractor, a Cardinal, and an English teacher—and a musical tribute to the Earth Council follows.
The end.
So, Mr. epsilon beta, you say this is a recurring dream you have?
Yeah, doc. What do you think?
These dreams you're having—they sound remarkably like—
Invitation to a Beheading, the TV show. Yeah, I know.
Well, in my opinion—remember, in our first session, I advised that if you really must read Stephen King you shouldn't skip your meds? Well, it's the same kind of thing here, I think. You should avoid this TV program. It's poisoning your dreams. You're still taking your medication regularly, aren't you, Mr. epsilon beta?
Yeah, I am. But I can't help it. I'm drawn to this show. It's like I can see my fate, and I have to watch.
And these dreams have been going on how long did you say?
About four months. It started not long after I last saw you. Around the same time, I got a registered letter from the show's producers congratulating me on having been 'selected' for next season's contestant lottery.
- - -
The author teaches ESL and occasionally writes for his dark half.
By Adam Mac
In the late 21st century, beheading is an extreme hazing ritual of interstellar business. Earth has been transformed into a production facility for an enormous commercial enterprise in a distant galaxy. On Earth, there is no unemployment. Everyone has work, but all Earth jobs are mean, mundane, or miserable.
The ritual has been popularized and exported widely as entertainment. Once a month, in an intergalactic-televised event, a competition is staged to promote one of Earth's more promising epsilons. The winner is appointed to the Earth Council, headquartered on a cloaked space station in high orbit.
The event takes place on the Earth's moon in a virtual room created for the series. There are three contestants. This week, they are: epsilon zeta (EZ), an IT consultant; epsilon delta (ED), an accountant; and epsilon tau (ET), a marine sergeant.
EZ, ED, and ET face one another in an empty room with a chair, a blindfold, and a poleaxe. Each gets one of the three articles.
The instructions are simple. The successful contestant must behead the other two. But the poleaxe can only be used by someone who is wearing the blindfold while standing on the chair. No communication is allowed. Beheading is the only acceptable means of killing. Violation of the rules is severely punished.
As soon as we're back from commercials, ET hoists the poleaxe, EZ stands behind the back of the chair, and ED thoughtlessly attaches the blindfold straightaway. The division of articles is now prearranged. One of the early episodes ended prematurely when all three contestants went for the poleaxe and ended up in a bloody pileup.
At the start signal, ET kicks the chair in ED's direction then hooks ED's blindfold with the poleaxe. Jumping on the chair, ET hauls ED in stumbling, head down, and arms waving uselessly by his side. EZ runs off into the farthest corner of the room. ET raises the poleaxe high overhead to bring down on ED's bare neck, but before he can deliver the blow, an intense electric charge surges through his body sending him into a collapsed heap.
EZ seizes the opportunity and rushes over to remove ED's blindfold and stun him by punching him in the face. With ED and ET on the floor, EZ picks up the poleaxe, steps onto the chair, puts on the blindfold, and then swings the poleaxe in the direction of ET's neck. He connects but not with ET's neck. ET has moved just in time to avoid the fatal blow, but he does get it in the leg, which starts bleeding heavily. EZ, realizing he only has one more swing, pulls the blade out and swings it in a roundhouse, this time catching ED, who has just regained his feet, in the chest with the point of the blade. ED tries to remove the blade but slices both hands in the process and only manages to create a larger wound. ED falls face down in the pool of his own rapidly discharging blood.
Meanwhile, ET crawls over to where EZ is still standing on the chair with his blindfold on, tugging at the poleaxe to free it from under ED's inert body. ET grabs both of EZ's legs and pulls them out from under him. EZ comes down hard, hitting his head on the edge of the chair. Seeing that the fallen EZ still has a pulse, ET rips off the blindfold with his left hand and opens it to conceal the quick strangling motion of his right hand. But camera 14 catches this and immediately a second and much stronger current rocks ET and instantly vaporizes all nerve activity from his brain to his fingers and toes.
All three epsilons lay still on the floor as the cameras pan across room. The cutaway to commercial is slow—deliberately slow. Back from commercials, the room is clean and empty. Next month's feature is announced—a building contractor, a Cardinal, and an English teacher—and a musical tribute to the Earth Council follows.
The end.
* * *
So, Mr. epsilon beta, you say this is a recurring dream you have?
Yeah, doc. What do you think?
These dreams you're having—they sound remarkably like—
Invitation to a Beheading, the TV show. Yeah, I know.
Well, in my opinion—remember, in our first session, I advised that if you really must read Stephen King you shouldn't skip your meds? Well, it's the same kind of thing here, I think. You should avoid this TV program. It's poisoning your dreams. You're still taking your medication regularly, aren't you, Mr. epsilon beta?
Yeah, I am. But I can't help it. I'm drawn to this show. It's like I can see my fate, and I have to watch.
And these dreams have been going on how long did you say?
About four months. It started not long after I last saw you. Around the same time, I got a registered letter from the show's producers congratulating me on having been 'selected' for next season's contestant lottery.
- - -
The author teaches ESL and occasionally writes for his dark half.
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