Dandelion Man
By Paul Ratner
He had a head like a dandelion, with hairs that could fly off with the laziest breeze. To prevent this from happening, he always wore a cowboy hat that he carefully strapped onto to his noggin at the chin. He did this to try to prevent worldwide extermination of all life, even though that was certainly a hopeless task and was bound to happen the moment his hair was to fly off.
This is the fear he lived with all his life, ever since an early childhood negligence, when he got too excited and dove into a river by his parent's cottage. The hat remained above the water, and when he came up, all his hair got airborne. That day day he annihilated the whole town and the neighboring county. He also lost his parents, who did not die but ran off and hid, embarrassed to admit it was their
child who had done this. He lived with the shame of that day the rest of his life. Alone. Unfriendly. Only getting attention from the fashionistas, whom he found too shallow to understand the depths of his despair.
Even after he moved out into the desert, he could not let go of the feeling of doom that he was to cause. All the open space, away from everyone, did give him some hope that it could all be ok and that even if the hat flew off, there was enough room there to stand up to his curse. But it was just a tease, something you tell yourself, a comforting lie.
Nonetheless, he lived like this till quite an old age, without causing worldwide extermination. He began to think that maybe he was just crazy and that day at the river when he was five was just a confused memory. Still, he would not dare take off the hat until once a woman approached his ranch in the middle of the great old nowhere. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen or imagined. She was slim and strong and had eyes like blooming cactuses. She came up to him as he stood at the gate of his ranch and, twirling a dandelion in her fingers, said simply - "Hello."
He was always a gentleman, and seeing this gorgeous woman out here in his wildnerness, he could not help himself and took off his hat and bowed. When he raised back his head, the woman was gone. She was probably some kind of devil. And what was there was his hair, flying all over the great western expanse. And as the hair landed on the ground, immediately from somewhere deep within, a man sprouted. The man who looked exactly like him. And as more hair landed all over, more men who looked like him started sprouting. They wouldn't do anything but just stand there and look at each other. And as the wind kept blowing, their dandelion hair started flying off too! And everywhere sprouted these unlucky men. Everywhere as far as the eye could see. Quickly spreading, they soon covered the whole surface of the planet. And as more hair fell off from these new men, even the gaps in between them were soon sporting more dandelion guys. Anyone who was caught in between them was crushed to death. This way the whole world died out. All that was left was just a giant round ball of earth flying through space, covered with dandelion men, staring
each other in the eyes and foreheads and feeling rather bad about the whole thing.....
- - -
Bio: born in Russia in '76, went to Cornell (MA, '00) and Chapman U (MFA, '05). Been pursuing screenwriting but feel much stranger than the strangest things I've seen in the last few years of Hollywood...
By Paul Ratner
He had a head like a dandelion, with hairs that could fly off with the laziest breeze. To prevent this from happening, he always wore a cowboy hat that he carefully strapped onto to his noggin at the chin. He did this to try to prevent worldwide extermination of all life, even though that was certainly a hopeless task and was bound to happen the moment his hair was to fly off.
This is the fear he lived with all his life, ever since an early childhood negligence, when he got too excited and dove into a river by his parent's cottage. The hat remained above the water, and when he came up, all his hair got airborne. That day day he annihilated the whole town and the neighboring county. He also lost his parents, who did not die but ran off and hid, embarrassed to admit it was their
child who had done this. He lived with the shame of that day the rest of his life. Alone. Unfriendly. Only getting attention from the fashionistas, whom he found too shallow to understand the depths of his despair.
Even after he moved out into the desert, he could not let go of the feeling of doom that he was to cause. All the open space, away from everyone, did give him some hope that it could all be ok and that even if the hat flew off, there was enough room there to stand up to his curse. But it was just a tease, something you tell yourself, a comforting lie.
Nonetheless, he lived like this till quite an old age, without causing worldwide extermination. He began to think that maybe he was just crazy and that day at the river when he was five was just a confused memory. Still, he would not dare take off the hat until once a woman approached his ranch in the middle of the great old nowhere. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen or imagined. She was slim and strong and had eyes like blooming cactuses. She came up to him as he stood at the gate of his ranch and, twirling a dandelion in her fingers, said simply - "Hello."
He was always a gentleman, and seeing this gorgeous woman out here in his wildnerness, he could not help himself and took off his hat and bowed. When he raised back his head, the woman was gone. She was probably some kind of devil. And what was there was his hair, flying all over the great western expanse. And as the hair landed on the ground, immediately from somewhere deep within, a man sprouted. The man who looked exactly like him. And as more hair landed all over, more men who looked like him started sprouting. They wouldn't do anything but just stand there and look at each other. And as the wind kept blowing, their dandelion hair started flying off too! And everywhere sprouted these unlucky men. Everywhere as far as the eye could see. Quickly spreading, they soon covered the whole surface of the planet. And as more hair fell off from these new men, even the gaps in between them were soon sporting more dandelion guys. Anyone who was caught in between them was crushed to death. This way the whole world died out. All that was left was just a giant round ball of earth flying through space, covered with dandelion men, staring
each other in the eyes and foreheads and feeling rather bad about the whole thing.....
- - -
Bio: born in Russia in '76, went to Cornell (MA, '00) and Chapman U (MFA, '05). Been pursuing screenwriting but feel much stranger than the strangest things I've seen in the last few years of Hollywood...
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